Tuesday, January 31, 2006
et tu alcohol?
So Jan. 21 we traveled down to Seward for this. The trip down was relatively uneventful. We made the four hour drive and passed our hotel three times before we could see it through the snow. I had to piss for the last two hours of the drive so this was extremely infuriating though not exactly a tragedy as I was able to hold it.
Fast forward a couple of hours to the actual jump time. It was a pain in the ass finding a decent place to watch and take pictures. To give you an idea, this is what they were jumping into, although a bit farther out:
And yes, that's ice in the water.
Perhaps this gives you some clue as to who might be making said jump:
Anyway, all that to say we were there during the winter festival so there were other activities going on, like frozen turkey bowling and an oyster sucking contest . . . which brings me to the "meat" of this post.
After everyone jumped into the freezing waters of Resurrection Bay, our group of misfits went directly to the bar and had a warm up shot. We then went turkey bowling and returned to the bar and drank copious amounts of Hamm's. At some point, we decided we wanted to play foosball or . . . something. So we went to another bar where, tragically, the . . .table(?) we desired had been moved. This place sold Long Island Ice Teas (LIIT) by the half gallon mug. So we order a round of them. Yes, that's right, half gallon LIITs after I had consumed the better part of a twelve pack of beer. Oh! But that wasn't enough. This bar was hosting the oyster sucking contest. Of course I participated. Twice. I wasn't happy with my first time. I took sixth, beat by "The Hoover". Then I was convinced to chug a second LIIT. Yes, after switching from ridiculous quantities of beer, to power drinking a half gallon of LIIT to CHUGGING a half gallon of LIIT. That's the last memory I have.
I'm told I made an ass out of myself on the dance floor and then proceeded to get us kicked out for having too much quality time with the toilet . . . in the lady's restroom. Surprisingly, shots were not fired and cops were not called. We were allowed to leave peacefully, and by that I mean my friends were allowed to carry me out after cleaning up my puke, none of which hit the target.
My "friends" tried to take pictures of me at my most vulnerable, but, fortunately, there was no film in the camera. Otherwise, I'd post them for the world to see and ridicule.
The ride back was eventful. As I was still smelling oysters and a bit nauseous, The Hoover's husband (we'll call him Black Belt Jones or BBJ) was driving my car when we were forced to brake extremely hard, on icy roads, causing our back end to break loose. BBJ almost had the car back under control when we hit a patch of black ice. We spun around, into oncoming traffic, and slid into a snow berm on the side of the road half a second before we would have been plowed through head-on by an oncoming pickup. They would have actually hit us had they not slowed down when they saw the other truck force us into the slide. Thankfully there was that much visibility. Miraculously there was no damage to us, the car or innocent bystanders/highway signage and we were on our way in a matter of half an hour or so.
I still smell oysters.
Fast forward a couple of hours to the actual jump time. It was a pain in the ass finding a decent place to watch and take pictures. To give you an idea, this is what they were jumping into, although a bit farther out:
And yes, that's ice in the water.
Perhaps this gives you some clue as to who might be making said jump:
Anyway, all that to say we were there during the winter festival so there were other activities going on, like frozen turkey bowling and an oyster sucking contest . . . which brings me to the "meat" of this post.
After everyone jumped into the freezing waters of Resurrection Bay, our group of misfits went directly to the bar and had a warm up shot. We then went turkey bowling and returned to the bar and drank copious amounts of Hamm's. At some point, we decided we wanted to play foosball or . . . something. So we went to another bar where, tragically, the . . .table(?) we desired had been moved. This place sold Long Island Ice Teas (LIIT) by the half gallon mug. So we order a round of them. Yes, that's right, half gallon LIITs after I had consumed the better part of a twelve pack of beer. Oh! But that wasn't enough. This bar was hosting the oyster sucking contest. Of course I participated. Twice. I wasn't happy with my first time. I took sixth, beat by "The Hoover". Then I was convinced to chug a second LIIT. Yes, after switching from ridiculous quantities of beer, to power drinking a half gallon of LIIT to CHUGGING a half gallon of LIIT. That's the last memory I have.
I'm told I made an ass out of myself on the dance floor and then proceeded to get us kicked out for having too much quality time with the toilet . . . in the lady's restroom. Surprisingly, shots were not fired and cops were not called. We were allowed to leave peacefully, and by that I mean my friends were allowed to carry me out after cleaning up my puke, none of which hit the target.
My "friends" tried to take pictures of me at my most vulnerable, but, fortunately, there was no film in the camera. Otherwise, I'd post them for the world to see and ridicule.
The ride back was eventful. As I was still smelling oysters and a bit nauseous, The Hoover's husband (we'll call him Black Belt Jones or BBJ) was driving my car when we were forced to brake extremely hard, on icy roads, causing our back end to break loose. BBJ almost had the car back under control when we hit a patch of black ice. We spun around, into oncoming traffic, and slid into a snow berm on the side of the road half a second before we would have been plowed through head-on by an oncoming pickup. They would have actually hit us had they not slowed down when they saw the other truck force us into the slide. Thankfully there was that much visibility. Miraculously there was no damage to us, the car or innocent bystanders/highway signage and we were on our way in a matter of half an hour or so.
I still smell oysters.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Recently, Fox News ran an article (here) regarding a lawsuit filed against Kellogg. The suit aims to block Kellogg from advertising unhealthy foods to children. Can you find five things wrong with this picture? I can:
1)This lawsuit is being filed by the parents
2)This is a decision by the parents
3)The parents are supposed to decide what food to buy
4)The court system isn't holding these parents in contempt for being stupid and trying to point the finger at somebody other than themselves
5)Kellogg isn't now airing commercials for the same junk foods aimed at the parents, rather than the children, with the tag line, "because parents are supposed to make the decisions anyway".
Can anybody find anything else wrong?
1)This lawsuit is being filed by the parents
2)This is a decision by the parents
3)The parents are supposed to decide what food to buy
4)The court system isn't holding these parents in contempt for being stupid and trying to point the finger at somebody other than themselves
5)Kellogg isn't now airing commercials for the same junk foods aimed at the parents, rather than the children, with the tag line, "because parents are supposed to make the decisions anyway".
Can anybody find anything else wrong?
Sunday, January 01, 2006
New Year Resolutions
It's that time of year again and as is required by the rules of the blogging world, I will share my new year resolutions with you.
1) Quit smoking. That's pretty standard, huh?
2) Start working out regularly. It's not like I have anything better to do besides play poker all the time. Which leads me to number . . .
3) Quit hitting the bubble, either at full speed or stumbling along, and start making it into the money in my poker tournaments. It's getting quite expensive to play that long and hard and not make anything for my efforts.
Happy New Year everyone!
1) Quit smoking. That's pretty standard, huh?
2) Start working out regularly. It's not like I have anything better to do besides play poker all the time. Which leads me to number . . .
3) Quit hitting the bubble, either at full speed or stumbling along, and start making it into the money in my poker tournaments. It's getting quite expensive to play that long and hard and not make anything for my efforts.
Happy New Year everyone!
