Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Good bye cruel world
Well it's the end of another relatively uneventful year. Sure I got married, got a new job and moved roughly 4 trillion miles away to Alaska, but there are 345 more days of the year that went more or less straight to la basura. I have looked back on this year and decided it's high time I did something productive from day to day. So, starting today, I going to become a rich man.
LOCK YOUR DOORS, LOAD YOUR GUNS, PUT AWAY YOUR TOYS, CHAIN UP THE DOGS, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!! Starting tomorrow it will be 2004, also known as "Four years after all the computers were supposed to implode and revert the world to a prehistoric sort of nuclear age"! You know what this mean folks. That's right, those tricky computers are just biding their time. It could happen tomorrow, it could happen next week, who knows when? You MUST be prepared! Quick, go get 40,000 gallons of bottled water, 15 million batteries of all shapes and sizes, and every can of beans you can get your hands on! Or, better yet, just send all your money to me and you won't have to figure out a way to store all that crap you won't get to use anyway! Look at it this way, you can give all your money to some faceless corporation and get all kinds of stuff you won't be able to use because all the looters will take it, or kill you, or both.
Another option is to give me your money. This will save you space, make you less attractive to looters and thieves and I will be able to fill my underground safe room like Scrooge McDuck's money bin and swim in your disease riddled cash.
Or, you can save your money, but that won't do anybody any good will it? I mean, what will you do with all that money in a prehistoric world? It'll only be good as shit tickets.
So, I'm willing to sacrifice myself and do you the favor of hoarding all of your money to myself. All you have to do is give it to me while of sound mind and body. Just remember, you're not going to get anything from me directly, except a high-five and a handshake (and maybe a cold if I happen to be sick at the time). But what you will receive is a lighter wallet, less clutter because you can't afford to buy anything, and assurance that when and if you come accross the New World muggers/looters/tumor men, you'll have nothing to entice them into beating you to a pulp for.
I will write again soon after I set up a post office box to accept all the bling that'll be rollin' my way soon.
LOCK YOUR DOORS, LOAD YOUR GUNS, PUT AWAY YOUR TOYS, CHAIN UP THE DOGS, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!! Starting tomorrow it will be 2004, also known as "Four years after all the computers were supposed to implode and revert the world to a prehistoric sort of nuclear age"! You know what this mean folks. That's right, those tricky computers are just biding their time. It could happen tomorrow, it could happen next week, who knows when? You MUST be prepared! Quick, go get 40,000 gallons of bottled water, 15 million batteries of all shapes and sizes, and every can of beans you can get your hands on! Or, better yet, just send all your money to me and you won't have to figure out a way to store all that crap you won't get to use anyway! Look at it this way, you can give all your money to some faceless corporation and get all kinds of stuff you won't be able to use because all the looters will take it, or kill you, or both.
Another option is to give me your money. This will save you space, make you less attractive to looters and thieves and I will be able to fill my underground safe room like Scrooge McDuck's money bin and swim in your disease riddled cash.
Or, you can save your money, but that won't do anybody any good will it? I mean, what will you do with all that money in a prehistoric world? It'll only be good as shit tickets.
So, I'm willing to sacrifice myself and do you the favor of hoarding all of your money to myself. All you have to do is give it to me while of sound mind and body. Just remember, you're not going to get anything from me directly, except a high-five and a handshake (and maybe a cold if I happen to be sick at the time). But what you will receive is a lighter wallet, less clutter because you can't afford to buy anything, and assurance that when and if you come accross the New World muggers/looters/tumor men, you'll have nothing to entice them into beating you to a pulp for.
I will write again soon after I set up a post office box to accept all the bling that'll be rollin' my way soon.
Sunday, December 28, 2003
Yesterday I felt out of sync. I don't know how else to explain it. It was almost like I was a half step ahead or behind the universe. I just felt plain wierd. I suppose since I feel better today I'll have to actually get off my ass and do something.
Saturday, December 27, 2003
one other note: when it takes beer less than five minutes to start freezing when it's just sitting out, it's probably too cold.
Friday, December 26, 2003
I'm a bad, bad man
I done a baaaad thing. So, my son already has issues about losing me or about me leaving. Well, this afternoon, I was using the bathroom and my son starts knocking on the door (he's only two). I thought I would be funny to say, "Help! Open the door!" He didn't think it was very funny, he started crying and wailing. He was so upset. When I came out, he ran to me and clung on me like stink on . . . well, you know. I feel like such a prick.
Also, I didn't call or email Marci and tell her why our visit was being threatened. I didn't even explain it when we were on the phone. Here's why I didn't call or email, I was trying to get it straightened out before she read what I had written so that she could also read that I got it fixed (which I think I have) and know that I'm a god.
I hope everyone around me enjoyed their holidays. I know that I had a hard time because I was busy screwing up.
Guess I'll try to keep the wife warm. Not that she wasn't warm sitting under a blanket across the room a second ago.
Also, I didn't call or email Marci and tell her why our visit was being threatened. I didn't even explain it when we were on the phone. Here's why I didn't call or email, I was trying to get it straightened out before she read what I had written so that she could also read that I got it fixed (which I think I have) and know that I'm a god.
I hope everyone around me enjoyed their holidays. I know that I had a hard time because I was busy screwing up.
Guess I'll try to keep the wife warm. Not that she wasn't warm sitting under a blanket across the room a second ago.
This post was written on the plane back from Hawaii last Saturday.
This post is from the last leg of my trip back to Anchorage. It hasn't been a good day so far. Since, I didn't go to sleep last night, I should have been ready to go this morning when it came time to leave, but was I? Nooooo. I was running late. And then, the desk clerks couldn't get me a proper receipt when I checked out of the hotel because it was so early in the morning. Fair enough, so long as there's not hold ups on the road, I ought to be able to make it still, especially if I can manage to make up some time at the rental return. That didn't start out too well, I had to stop at every loving stoplight I came to. However, there was relatively little traffic and boy doggy did I every make up time at the rental return. My flight left at eight am, so I planned to be there at six, but to be sure that I had enough time to fight with everyone else and their sister who has leaving at that time, I decided to be at the car return at 5. Well, no one else was there, so I'm sitting at the airport three hours before my flight. It's not even really open yet. Oh, but wait. Since the flight last night was an hour late getting in, my flight out this morning was delayed an hour. So . . . I'm sitting at the airport four hours before my flight time. After I slug through security, the plane that was supposed to leave at eight, no, wait, nine didn't leave until nine thirty or later. This from the airline claiming to be, "number one on time". On a side note, I was pleasently surprised by the meal. After what could have been a worse flight, I arrive in beautiful San Francisco. Late by the way. So I get to hurry the 14 miles from one terminal to the next to get to ticketing to get my next boarding pass (long story), during which I actually leave the secure area of the airport. Ticketing couldn't find my ticket, the plane was supposed to be boarding, and I still had to go back through the peeping toms that TSA calls security. Oh yeah, I was "randomly" selected. AGAIN! Great, it's still okay, if I hurry I can still make it before they close the plane. Look! That plane is delayed too! Great! At least I didn't miss it. But because it was delayed for AN HOUR AND A HALF, I missed my original connecting flight from Seattle to Anchorage. Which brings me to the finale. Exiting the plane from San Fran to Seattle, I was basically told to push everyone out of my way so that I might have a chance to catch my connecter. So I rudely rushed off the plane and up to the nearest counter. They told me I might just make it, four minutes mind you, if I run, with all my carry on luggage, ALL THE WAY TO THE OPPOSITE END OF THE GODDAMN TERMINAL. When I got there, surprise, surprise, I missed the flight. No problem they said, we can put you on another flight out tonight, there are plenty. Swell, you just do that. Someone already has? I'm glad I was told that before I, ahem, RAN ALL THE WAY TO THE OPPOSITE END OF THE GODDAMN TERMINAL WITH ALL MY CARRY ON LUGGAGE. But it's not a big deal, it's only a forty minute difference. Oh, gate D8. That's were I was when they told me to run down here. So now I get to walk all the way back across the terminal. Not that big a deal this go 'round because I have time, but it's the principle of the thing. Plus I was getting pretty damn tired of lugging those two bags. Anyway, that brings us to the present. I just wanted to make sure I get all of this down before I forget. It might be a while before I can write again.
Oh, and for Marci and Melanie:
Panties is both plural and singular, were you to need only one leg hole, you would still wear panties. Just as if an Irishman goes to get some wool he might pick out one sheep, but if he get's a hankering for a threesome he would get two sheep.
Wisdom for the day:
I have finally finished reading "The book of five rings" by Miyamoto Musashi and I think I have found how I will strive to live my life from this day foward. I suggest picking up this book, if you haven't already, and see if it speaks to you as it did to me.
This post is from the last leg of my trip back to Anchorage. It hasn't been a good day so far. Since, I didn't go to sleep last night, I should have been ready to go this morning when it came time to leave, but was I? Nooooo. I was running late. And then, the desk clerks couldn't get me a proper receipt when I checked out of the hotel because it was so early in the morning. Fair enough, so long as there's not hold ups on the road, I ought to be able to make it still, especially if I can manage to make up some time at the rental return. That didn't start out too well, I had to stop at every loving stoplight I came to. However, there was relatively little traffic and boy doggy did I every make up time at the rental return. My flight left at eight am, so I planned to be there at six, but to be sure that I had enough time to fight with everyone else and their sister who has leaving at that time, I decided to be at the car return at 5. Well, no one else was there, so I'm sitting at the airport three hours before my flight. It's not even really open yet. Oh, but wait. Since the flight last night was an hour late getting in, my flight out this morning was delayed an hour. So . . . I'm sitting at the airport four hours before my flight time. After I slug through security, the plane that was supposed to leave at eight, no, wait, nine didn't leave until nine thirty or later. This from the airline claiming to be, "number one on time". On a side note, I was pleasently surprised by the meal. After what could have been a worse flight, I arrive in beautiful San Francisco. Late by the way. So I get to hurry the 14 miles from one terminal to the next to get to ticketing to get my next boarding pass (long story), during which I actually leave the secure area of the airport. Ticketing couldn't find my ticket, the plane was supposed to be boarding, and I still had to go back through the peeping toms that TSA calls security. Oh yeah, I was "randomly" selected. AGAIN! Great, it's still okay, if I hurry I can still make it before they close the plane. Look! That plane is delayed too! Great! At least I didn't miss it. But because it was delayed for AN HOUR AND A HALF, I missed my original connecting flight from Seattle to Anchorage. Which brings me to the finale. Exiting the plane from San Fran to Seattle, I was basically told to push everyone out of my way so that I might have a chance to catch my connecter. So I rudely rushed off the plane and up to the nearest counter. They told me I might just make it, four minutes mind you, if I run, with all my carry on luggage, ALL THE WAY TO THE OPPOSITE END OF THE GODDAMN TERMINAL. When I got there, surprise, surprise, I missed the flight. No problem they said, we can put you on another flight out tonight, there are plenty. Swell, you just do that. Someone already has? I'm glad I was told that before I, ahem, RAN ALL THE WAY TO THE OPPOSITE END OF THE GODDAMN TERMINAL WITH ALL MY CARRY ON LUGGAGE. But it's not a big deal, it's only a forty minute difference. Oh, gate D8. That's were I was when they told me to run down here. So now I get to walk all the way back across the terminal. Not that big a deal this go 'round because I have time, but it's the principle of the thing. Plus I was getting pretty damn tired of lugging those two bags. Anyway, that brings us to the present. I just wanted to make sure I get all of this down before I forget. It might be a while before I can write again.
Oh, and for Marci and Melanie:
Panties is both plural and singular, were you to need only one leg hole, you would still wear panties. Just as if an Irishman goes to get some wool he might pick out one sheep, but if he get's a hankering for a threesome he would get two sheep.
Wisdom for the day:
I have finally finished reading "The book of five rings" by Miyamoto Musashi and I think I have found how I will strive to live my life from this day foward. I suggest picking up this book, if you haven't already, and see if it speaks to you as it did to me.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Suck this homeboy
So my best friend from home sent me an email the other day. I'll tell you what, when life shit's on him, it makes sure to eat a big mexican dinner the night before. In a matter of a few days he lost his job and got into a wreck in a car he just bought (from me). If we can just ignore the job situation for a moment, I would like to focus on the car that was nothing but wonderful to me.
That damn car has been nothing but trouble for him. I wish I hadn't sold it to him. About a week after he got the car, his roomate lost control of it and that damn civic flew into a ditch. Now that he got that damage repaired look what happens. Some hip-hop punk in his mom's cutlass or whatever pulls out in front of him and totals out 'our' car and, of course, hardly receives any damage himself. I was really looking foward to buying that car back from him when I got back down to the lower 48. Man I loved that car. But on top of still making payments on his loan for the car (not to mention house and everything else) he is unemployed. That makes me feel even worse for selling that curse to him. Now he's paying for something he doesn't even have with money he can't afford to just flush away. damnit.
furthermore, I'm upset because now my trip to see marci is in danger of being canceled. I still have some time to try to get things going in the right direction, but if I have to wait until may to see LOR and free beer night with her I'm going to be VERY upset. of course, I'm only this pissed off because it's partly my fault too, but I won't go into that.
Anway, It's still snowing, so maybe I'll finally get to see a white christmas. oh, wait, there was no way in hell it wouldn't be white. it would have had to stop snowing back in October and then gotten real warm to melt all this white stuff.
No update tomorrow, but perhaps I'll let you know about all the fun the next day.
That damn car has been nothing but trouble for him. I wish I hadn't sold it to him. About a week after he got the car, his roomate lost control of it and that damn civic flew into a ditch. Now that he got that damage repaired look what happens. Some hip-hop punk in his mom's cutlass or whatever pulls out in front of him and totals out 'our' car and, of course, hardly receives any damage himself. I was really looking foward to buying that car back from him when I got back down to the lower 48. Man I loved that car. But on top of still making payments on his loan for the car (not to mention house and everything else) he is unemployed. That makes me feel even worse for selling that curse to him. Now he's paying for something he doesn't even have with money he can't afford to just flush away. damnit.
furthermore, I'm upset because now my trip to see marci is in danger of being canceled. I still have some time to try to get things going in the right direction, but if I have to wait until may to see LOR and free beer night with her I'm going to be VERY upset. of course, I'm only this pissed off because it's partly my fault too, but I won't go into that.
Anway, It's still snowing, so maybe I'll finally get to see a white christmas. oh, wait, there was no way in hell it wouldn't be white. it would have had to stop snowing back in October and then gotten real warm to melt all this white stuff.
No update tomorrow, but perhaps I'll let you know about all the fun the next day.
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
Four days straight snow. We seriously have three feet of snow on the ground, at least. It has finally stopped for now, we'll see just how long it lasts.
Friday, December 19, 2003
I should also mention that I'm in Honolulu and I'm going to Alaska, thru San Francisco AND Seattle, so I've got a long trip ahead of me. I would also like to go ahead and mention Melanie, another great friend, so that she gets the attention she desirves.
While I'm still drinking and ignoring the need to sleep, I think I'll continue a story I started. Maybe some of the people I sent part one to will read this maybe they won't.
Okay, I've got a fresh beer, empty bladder and music in the background. Now that I've set the mood, lets dive into my mind. Forget the damn story! The "good" radio stations here have no more than ten songs in their playlist it seems. I used to like Andre 3000 and Baby Boi, but it's been beaten into my head like so many Iraq war propaganda items that I just can't get into it anymore. How I long for the days of shakin' it like a polaroid picture or diggin' the B-A-S-S babe. Why oh why can't I find a good mix station?
I guess it doesn't matter since I'm leaving, but I do have to come back to this hell hole. Yes, I just called Honolulu, HI a hell hole. I know you're picturing banannas falling off trees, half naked beautiful people, and amazing beaches. Forget it. On the south side, the beaches are great until you try to get in the ocean. That's when they get rocky (at least around Waikiki). If you want great beaches with great waves and great scenery watching surfers (great or not), you need to go to Oahu's north shore. Here's the kicker, they don't allow swimming! So unless you're on a surf board or just want to ditch the dayglow pastiness, forget that too. Don't get me wrong, not having to guess what the weather will be like (80 degrees and mostly sunny) is great, but having to choose between an hour and a half drive to a good beach that I can't swim at or a lousy beach I can is pitiful. And that's just about the beaches. I have more on the rest of the stereotypes. Enough for now.
By the way, I think Grand Theft Auto: Vice City was modeled after this place. They pedestrians, the cars, the scenery, everything.
Sorry for the rant.
While I'm still drinking and ignoring the need to sleep, I think I'll continue a story I started. Maybe some of the people I sent part one to will read this maybe they won't.
Okay, I've got a fresh beer, empty bladder and music in the background. Now that I've set the mood, lets dive into my mind. Forget the damn story! The "good" radio stations here have no more than ten songs in their playlist it seems. I used to like Andre 3000 and Baby Boi, but it's been beaten into my head like so many Iraq war propaganda items that I just can't get into it anymore. How I long for the days of shakin' it like a polaroid picture or diggin' the B-A-S-S babe. Why oh why can't I find a good mix station?
I guess it doesn't matter since I'm leaving, but I do have to come back to this hell hole. Yes, I just called Honolulu, HI a hell hole. I know you're picturing banannas falling off trees, half naked beautiful people, and amazing beaches. Forget it. On the south side, the beaches are great until you try to get in the ocean. That's when they get rocky (at least around Waikiki). If you want great beaches with great waves and great scenery watching surfers (great or not), you need to go to Oahu's north shore. Here's the kicker, they don't allow swimming! So unless you're on a surf board or just want to ditch the dayglow pastiness, forget that too. Don't get me wrong, not having to guess what the weather will be like (80 degrees and mostly sunny) is great, but having to choose between an hour and a half drive to a good beach that I can't swim at or a lousy beach I can is pitiful. And that's just about the beaches. I have more on the rest of the stereotypes. Enough for now.
By the way, I think Grand Theft Auto: Vice City was modeled after this place. They pedestrians, the cars, the scenery, everything.
Sorry for the rant.
I'm drunk. It's 11:15ish and I have to be up and at the airport in about 4 hours. It's not going to be a good day. On the other hand, it's one day closer to when I get to go hang out with my one of my bestest friends, Marci. I get to travel to Hotlanta in Jan. and she's already set up a night of free beer. With any luck, I'll also get to relive some late night Waho trips. I'm as almost as giddy as a school girl.
