Miscellaneous Debris

I have found, what seems like, a pretty cool website. I have not completely explored the site, but it definately has potential. Check out Above Average Driver and see if you've been reported as an idiot or a good guy. I wasn't listed. That I saw anyway.

I got bubbles today!!! I feel so happy. I'm like that fish in "Finding Nemo". "Ooh, bubbles, bubbles, bubbles, bubbles, bubbles!!!"

Okay, so this place isn't so bad. I met with some relatives-in-law and they took me down the strip to downtown and I got to see the big overhead canopy show. Yes, this town is too glitzy for me to stay, but it's good I get to see it.

The only recurring problem here is the apparent taboo of accepting credit cards. It took me two tries to find a store that sold cigarettes and took credit. Then I had to tell the guy how to run the stupid machine. Why would anybody not take credit? It guarantees payment. Christ, travelling unprepared's a bitch.

I did make friends with some septagenerian how insisted on slurring through some story about how he used to work for some company making turbo chargers and how he could have retired five years before he did. Or something like that. It was sort of hard to decipher what he was trying to say. He was nice though.

I haven't seen any of the hotties that are supposed to be all over the place here. Sure, I've seen a couple of chickadees that made me look twice, but nothing like I was expecting. I think I'm going to be going out tomorrow and so I'll update if I find any worth writing about.

I found myself watching "American Idol" last night, and actually enjoying it. I really loved watching the ones that sucked hard and hearing the comments from Simon and the other guy.

http://www.megat.co.uk/quizmo/images/3564.jpg

hmm. . .

This raises all sorts of questions. Thanks Marci, I didn't want to know I was a mysterious woman/child of the east. I always thought I was a simple drunk/man from the west.

Maybe this can answer why I'm so upset that I don't get bubbles when I get water from the water cooler here. I just want to make the thing bubble up when I'm there. I drank 8 glasses of water today and still nothing. It's a simple pleasure, but it's mine.

It has come to my attention that my best friend has begun a blog. SC2GT, let's all welcome him to partial anonymity.

I would also like to say the following to him, should he read this:

Yes, I think you can post pictures. I don't know how, but Marci has done it before so maybe she can tell you. Just visit her site and drop her an email and let her know I sent you.

Good luck with the job.

Can you believe somebody searched for "chicken's ass" on google and found my site?

Well, I went and played roulette for about an hour and a half last night. It only cost me $17. Expensive, but not unreasonable considering that while I was there some guy came by and dropped about three hundred dollars on four spins. He lost it all. It must be nice to have way too much money.

Marci, I just don't like touristy stuff. This may come as a surprise for some one who doesn't leave her apartment except to go to free beer and school (oh, dang! no he didn't!), but once you've seen one overly priced tourist trap, you've seen them all. Also, your comment made me chuckle, so I'm not upset. Just remember, you've called me a redneck so now I have to act like one around you when I come back down to Atlanta, and I'm not going to let you get away from me. Prepare for Brad in overalls, a John Deere hat and chewin' on a plug of tobaccy.

She's right though. This place could be worse. It's not like Hawaii where I had to drive 20 miles at 5 mph or Atlanta where it's safer to walk 5 miles than drive 1. At least here, I can be self suffencient in this hotel if I so desired. They have a full sized bowling alley, a casino, live shows, restaurants and fast food, etc. I think mostly I just get really bad first impressions of these places and start nitpicking from there.

I hate this place.

I have been here no longer than two hours (most of which was spent trying to find a way to get from the airport to the hotel) and I already hate it. Shall I start at the beginning? Sure, but I'll try to make it short.

Leaving Alaska was a hassle. Apparently the airplane that was to take me to Seattle hit something and had to be serviced for a broken windshield. This delayed the plane for an hour and a half. Now, I know that when replacing a windshield of a car, you have to let the sealant sit for several hours. Evidently, this does not apply to airplanes travelling 40,000 feet in the air at speeds approaching or exceeding 600mph. Curious.

Arrival in LV: Everything goes very well until I try to leave. Nothing at the airport (except rental cars) accept credit cards. Is this normal practice? I didn't think so. So I'm stuck. I can walk the unknown miles to my hotel with all my luggage, or rent a car at my expense. Peachy! Well, I decide to rent a car. The guy at the rental place gives me bunk directions and I wind up driving twenty miles in the wrong direction.

Arrival at hotel: Not really a bad place, but given that I have no cash money, it sucks. Additionally, my porn supplier has rejected my account for non payment or some rubbish like that, I don't know, I haven't look at a bill from them for some time. So my options of release have become quite expensive. I'm not one to go to a hooker, since I'm married and all, so my options are limited to my imagination and the, probably horrible, hotel porn. But that's probably more info than anybody wanted.

Two note worthy notes:
1) The first page I flip to is this (abridged): Barely legal secretaries in short skirts, 24 hours. There are about 40 more pages of this. At least some people have options.
2) Whereas Marci was placed on this earth to make some one's life hell, everyone else seems to be placed in my way. Or maybe I'm just having a bad day.

I'm on the road again in less than 17hrs. I'll be going to Sin City. It won't be a long trip, but I that doens't make any difference. It's five days I won't be here. Maybe I'll try to have a little fun, since I'll be staying at one of those casino/hotel places. I won't actually be on the strip, but won't be far from it. Maybe there'll be someone cool in the class with me. I'll need a drinkin' buddy. Well, maybe not. I had a hell of a hang over yesterday.

Ha! Who am I kidding? I'll be trying to get the most out of the free drinks as I can before I go broke. They better offer free drinks. I'll be in touch again unless I run off and get me a Vegas wife.

I gotta tell ya. Beer is "da bomb". Not only is it wet, it causes intoxication. Intoxication causes things like: "beer goggles", lowered inhabitions, beligerence, and something some of my friends call "visions of grandeur" - whatever the hell that means. I, personally, am more experienced with the first two. There are rumors that I've experimented with beligerence, but I don't remember anything about that.

As evidence, I offer the following. In a previous post, I stated that a waitress look suspicously like Liv Tyler. Shame on you Marci. You should have told me. The more I think about it, the more I realize that she really wasn't that attractive. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't a freak or anything, but she was no Liv Tyler. Okay, she might have been just a hair freakish. As for the lowered inhabitions, let's just say I liked college. Could have liked it more, but I made my choices.

I have seen how alcohol has made people beligerent. As a matter of fact, I remember one instance when a friend of mine had had a little too much to drink. We were at waffle house and he didn't get a refill on his coke or coffee or whatever it was. He made very loud, rude comments about the waitress and the population of the town in general. These comments, of course, were not made directly to the populace of the Waffle House, but for the benefit of those sitting with him, they were just said loudly enough to let the other patrons hear. Anyway, he was beligerent, and I . . . . wait . . . . I think that was me being a jackass. Aww, who cares?

As for the visions of grandeur, like I said, I don't know what they're talking about. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to conquering the world and finding the rest of my harem.

and this is why I should try to update a little more regularly.

I'll go ahead and call myself out on this plagirism thing before Marci does. Evidently I heard some one talking about the egg thing. I have no recollection of it, but when we were hanging out at a friend's pad, they began talking about it. Too bad they didn't read my blog, but instead read some sort of chain email.

My apologizies if any of my readers (the entire Greater Anchorage Jehova's Witness Tabernacle Ladies Knitting and Bowling Club and you other three - you know who you are) were or are insulted or inconvienced by this.

One other thing. I'm supposed to insult Marci (per Marci).

YOU'RE GETTING OLD TOO!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! BETTER GET THAT MIDGET ARMY MOVING IF YOU PLAN TO BEAT ME!!!!

p.s. Maybe we should join forces. I could rule half and you could rule half. -brad
p.p.s it's not that a dull, dirty, busted ass shoe makes a wise man, but that a wise man makes a dull, dirty, busted ass shoe. -b

It's 1,110. I'm not kidding. It's the magic number and now that I've figured it out, I'm one step closer to my goal of world domination. In true evil villan form, I will now explain why this number must be so important. Look at your calculator. Go ahead and get it, I'll wait.

Ready?

Okay. the simplest way that I can begin this description is with the number 1. press 1, 2, 3. then press +. Now press 9, 8, 7. Then equal (or + for you people using adding machines). What'd you get? 1,110. That's right. Here's the kicker. You can start anywhere on the number pad (exclude 0). just so long as you add the oppisite, you will always get 1,110. Now, before you say, "duh", let me explain a little further. Start at 2. Move up two spaces to 8, then diaganally down and left to 4. 284. the opposite will start at 8 (opposite number on pad). move down two spaces (2) then diaganally up and right (6). 826. 284 + 826 = 1,110. You try it. any combination. add the opposite directions. get 1,110. it must be a sign.

I just worry that my time here is getting too short for me to complete my plans. I have begun to age at an accelerated rate. I'm only 25, but I think I have arthritis, alzheimers, diminishing eyesight, diminishing hearing, and nose hair that seems to grow like kudzu. I submit for further evidence: I threw out my back vacuuming the other day. I'm supposed to have 55ish more years of worse health than this? I better start growing my army now before I'm to old to enjoy it.
.
.
.
.
What was I talking about?

First things first, I need to make a correction. A previously wrote that the funniest thing I had heard a couple of nights ago involved a burned out motor. Actually, the funniest thing I heard was, "The person in that appartment must have the cleanest carpet in the complex. No pun intended." It still makes me chuckle.

Well, apparently I'm the only drunk in my class. Everybody I asked decided not to got to free beer. Although technically, one couldn't go because she's too young.

I guess we better get going. It's almost time for free beer. More later, maybe.

I just got called out by marci for not writing a full post last night. Sorry, but I was trying to make it quick so I could get back to hanging out with her. TTHHHHPPPPPTTTT!!! We went out to some English pub tonight and I think I might have had the best night of my life. After trying to decide if "Pinky" or "Blackie" were high maintenance and which was hotter, we made friends with our waitress who look suspiciously like Liv Tyler. She still made us pay so it wasn't that good.

Also, my best male friend just told me he won't check my blog because he's afraid he'll start blasting me about my "liberal biasism", whatever that means. So apparently I've been getting pretty damn political, who knew? It's okay,I got to hear the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. "I burned out a dildo motor in less than a year." I'll let your imagination determine who said what and just what the context was.

One obligatory rant: Although I managed to not get "randomly" selected for a security check this time, the lady that was in front of me in the line had to take off her vest. And her shoes. And her belt. I was waiting for a pole to drop down from the ceiling and dance music to start playing over the intercom. Come on people. Can't you see what's happening to you?

One obligatory question: I was going to write a witty question here, but my male best friend just called my obligatory rant "liberal propaganda". So the obligatory question is not funny, it's political. Ha ha! Now I'm getting into politics bitch! Why does worrying that the government is taking too many liberties with my liberties a Democratic vs. Republican issue? Shouldn't it be a Population of the United States vs. Oppression issue? It was in 1886. Oh well, I guess I don't' know what's good for me. Thank god GW and Tom Ridge can tell me.

I've finally made it. I'm at Marci's and I couldn't be having more fun. We're watching couples fear facor. I'm going back 'cause she's back. bye.

Well, I've just finished perusing Marci's blog, Melanie's blog, and Tequila Mockingbird.

Not that that has anything to do with what I have to say. I just thought I'd share.

When does it stop? We take our shoes off to get on an airplane just because some uneducated jackasses blew up a couple or four. Why the hell don't we quit doing this civil liberties dance? Why one thing at a time? First, baggage searches from which fingernail files, safety scissors, and sewing kits were confiscated. Then, we had to begin taking off our shoes because we could hide stuff in them.

You know where else stuff can be hidden? Our buttholes. Let's get some body cavity searches up in this mofo. Why the hell not?! It wasn't so long ago that they were trying to use xray machines that show you butt naked. When will it end people? when will it end?

On another note, I'm going to Las Vegas in a couple of weeks. Sin City. Dear god, will I be able to get back?

I gotta start reading about these TPS reports before I start typing.

1. It isn't the equvilant of an icy hell in Alaska. As a matter of fact, I'm wearing A&F shorts as you read this.

2. I'm not a horribly unfunny father and I've never made my son cry by making a joke. I know I've said earlier I did, but the time for truth is now. Every joke I tell and every funny thing I do makes everyone around me laugh so hard they wet themselves. I don't know who started the rumors about me telling jokes that make the whole room stop and look at me with a disgusted sort of grimace, but that person should stop immediately.

3. I'm not a god.

I feel much better now that I've gotten that off my chest. Thank you for being an audience to it.

35 to 50 MPH winds with gusts up to 75 MPH blowing snow like a sandblaster. Windchills down to -45 degrees F. I guess I know what that means.

Marci brings up a very good point (see comments under last entry). But to take it a little further, imagine this: The sicko that's eating cow and pig and dog shit that finally wonders upon a chicken just before it lays an egg instead of a big 'ole dump thinks that this egg is pretty good.

Just how the hell am I supposed to take that? Does this mean that and egg is better than feces? That doesn't surprise me, but it's not exactly a ringing endorsement either, is it?

What else can we question about our potables and edibles? Who sucked on a cow's teat? A goat's? Who decided it would be a good idea to eat a snail? Does this make any one besides me a little uncomfortable with the development of our diets? I suppose it's a moot point anyway. I'm not out there chasing animals around trying to find the next great breakfast food.

On another note, my mother-in-law arrives tomorrow. She's here until after I leave for Hotlanta. That's a whole week. Wish me luck.

Who ate the first egg, and why? What was going through that person's mind? "hmm . . . I think I'll eat the next thing that come's out of that chicken's ass."

Discuss